Thursday, February 26, 2009

48-hour days?

Last night was a looooong night. We tried putting Morgan to bed earlier to see if that helped her sleep longer, but it DID NOT. We had her asleep in the crib at 8:20 p.m. She then awoke at 10:20 and was just writhing in apparent discomfort and screaming a little bit. I could not figure out whether she was itchy, gassy, having acid reflux, or what...I took her to the glider to feed her and she started eating vigorously, so either she was hungry or milk just makes her feel better. She went back to sleep and woke up again at midnight, 1:15 a.m., 2:30 a.m., and a couple of times after that, that I don't even remember! Greg got up at around 6-ish and Morgan and I were asleep in the glider. He took her and I went to sleep for about an hour. She's sleeping in the bassinet next to me, now, and I still don't know what has caused her such a sleepless night. She hasn't had a poopy diaper in a while, so maybe that's also to blame.

I feel like she gets a decent amount of sleep every other night. It's like she has a 48-hour day, with the first 24-hour period being a series of short naps and the second 24-hour period having a longer, more night-like stretch of sleep. It's killing me!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tuesday Night...

Last night we moved Morgan's bedtime up just a little bit and got her to bed at 9 p.m. Some time shortly before midnight, she let out one single cry. I went to check on her and put my hand on her belly and she went right back to sleep. I went back to my bed and thought for sure that she'd be crying for me to come back any minute. I fell asleep and the next thing I knew, it was 3 a.m.! Even though she woke for that one minute, I pretty much count that as her sleeping 6 hours! She woke up and I fed her and put her back to sleep and she woke again at around 5:30 a.m. After feeding her and putting back to sleep, again, she slept until around 7:30. I think that was pretty good, considering. As I said in my last blog, I'm waiting on my "No Cry Sleep Solution" book, because I want to help her sleep with the least amount of crying possible. She usually cries just for a minute to get my attention and I always jump out of bed like a firefighter and am at her cribside in a flash, so that should help. Even though the Ferber method only has them crying for 5-10-15 minutes, it's just too much for me. I want my baby to be happy, not distressed.

I took her back to the pediatrician's office today to see if they could do anything more for her eczema. It was flaring up pretty badly. The ped. said she's too young for allergy testing or medication (aside from the topical cream they gave me) and we'll just have to wait. I just have to continue keeping her very moisturized and keep her arms and legs covered, so she doesn't scratch. I told them that I wanted to know if it was a food allergy or hereditary, since my husband had eczema when he was a baby, but doesn't have food allergies. She said it was probably not a food allergy. I was hoping it wasn't, because I already have a restricted diet. If I had to cut out dairy, eggs, nuts, etc., there'd be nothing left to eat! I asked her if she thought I should switch to soy formula, if my milk was causing the problem and she said if I stopped giving her breastmilk, then Morgan wouldn't be getting all of the antibodies and immunological benefits, so it might defeat the purpose. I was glad, because I'm not ready to give up giving her breastmilk just yet. She said my milk doesn't come directly from what I eat (which I know) and so whatever food I eat, she gets indirectly. I was reading a lot of articles and there seems to be a lot of disagreement about whether or not eczema always means there is a food allergy. One article said that doing an elimination diet can lead to deficiencies in the mother's diet and can do more harm than good, which I totally agree with, given that I'd be eating nothing but cardboard, apparently.

So, I'm just going to keep the same diet, which hasn't changed since I was pregnant and we're going to see a dermatologist in March. We'll see what they have to say...

I think poor Morgan also has acid reflux, like she needs any more problems. She arches her back and fusses and seems to have stuff "coming back up" after she eats. I tried the rice cereal, as suggested by the pediatrician, a few times and that seemed to help the reflux, but I think it constipated her. *Sigh* It's just so tricky...

Monday, February 23, 2009

Sleep training...Day 2...

We tried Day 2 of sleep training, last night, but Morgan was crying (no actual tears) and kicking and actually moving herself around the crib. We’d go to check on her and she was all turned around. One time I went in there and her foot was in one of the crib slats and I decided that was enough and fed her. She went right to sleep and slept for a little over 5 hours! Then, I had to pump at 2:30 and around 3 when I walked by her room, I heard/saw that she was sucking on her hand. I got her out of the crib and fed her and she went back to sleep from 3:25 a.m. to 6:25 a.m., so that was another 3 hours. I ordered a book called the “No Cry Sleep Solution”, because I just can’t take her crying and fussing so much. The first night she hardly cried, but last night she wasn’t giving in and it hurt too much to hear and see her writhing around the crib, going crazy. I basically only had to feed her once in the middle of the night, so that's not bad at all. She's just a little baby, poor thing...I just know she needs her sleep. She only sleeps a total of about 8-9 hours a night and most of that is broken sleep. I still look forward to the day when she sleeps 8-9+ hours straight, like I used to before I got pregnant. Ah, dare to dream...

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sleep training...

The time has come for us to start a little sleep training with Morgan. Lately, she has been waking up every hour and that isn't good for either one of us. We're using the Ferber method, or some variation of it. Before I thought I'd never want to let her cry, and I still don't, but the method does not involve leaving your child to cry all night until they lose faith in the world, or anything like that. I don't consider this method "crying it out", because to me that means you just let them cry forever. You do leave the child to fuss for 5 minutes, though. Then it increases to 10 minutes if they are still fussing, etc. Each time you visit them and tell them that you love them and reassure them that they have not been abandoned and pat them, if needed. You just don't take them out of the crib. I want Morgan to have the proper sleep associations and to get decent rest at night. She grows so much more and is in such a better mood after she gets good sleep. The book says it shouldn't take more than a week, but we'll see how it goes. It is certainly hard to listen to those first few minutes of cries. I have to remind myself that she's definitely not starving and that she's OK. She is just confused and used to being fed every 5 minutes. Soon, she'll understand that nighttime is for sleeping and daytime is for eating. I don't mind feeding her once or twice during the night, but 3-4 times is a bit ridiculous at this point. She's 3 months old and weighs about 16 pounds - this girl is NOT starving! :)

This is only Night 1, but I think she's doing pretty well. She cried quite a bit the first round (for an unbearable 5 minutes) and I took her out of the crib to feed her, since I was worried that she was feeling really hungry. She only drank about an ounce or 2 and was falling asleep. She just associates the bottle with sleeping and isn't starving like she acts. This makes me feel a little better and soon she will not have this association and won't cry about it. The other times she fussed, I took her out to feed her, because the book says to wait 2 hours in between feedings on the first night, then 2.5 hours the next night, etc. I fed her and put her back to bed awake, instead of asleep, like I usually do. She'd wiggle and fuss for a minute, but she wouldn't cry and would go to sleep pretty quickly, so I'm hoping this process will be completed with minimal crying. I think there will mostly be fussing and grunting. :P Well, I am done pumping, so I better get back to sleep.

Sunday, February 15, 2009

On a brighter note...

We got the pictures from Friday's photo session and even though she would hardly smile for the camera (which is very unlike her) we got some really sweet shots:



















Pity party for 1...

As I've said, I know that I am very lucky, but it can be hard not to be a little whiney in the wee hours of the morning, when you'd trade a major organ for some sleep...

Yesterday Morgan was fussy on and off all day and I could not figure out what was wrong. I half-thought she might be teething because she was drooling a lot, gnawing on things and just plain fussy. It must be too early for that, though. She would just cry and wriggle and I also thought she might have trouble going potty. Later that day she finally went potty, but her mood really didn't improve. In the afternoon, for some reason, my pumping output dropped some. I had 3 sessions with 5 or fewer ounces produced and that's lower than normal. I usually have enough milk for her 6pm feeding and her 8pm "after bath/before bed" feeding, but I was running low. I tried to get her to eat a little less, since I knew she had eaten a lot anyway, but she was acting like the was starving to death! I thawed out some of my most recently frozen milk, but as usual, she didn't like it. She ate some and cried, ate some more and cried, etc. Finally, I got up and gave her an ounce of the milk I had reserved for her bedtime feeding and she ate that, but I worried about what would happen at her later feeding. Sure enough, after her bath, she was eating and acting ravenous, so Greg fed her while I pumped again. Usually my 9pm pumping session will yield enough milk for her night feedings. This time I barely came up with enough milk.

She is supposed to be going to bed at 9pm these days, but she just would not go to sleep! She was acting hungry and was wide awake. I tried to put her to bed and she just looked up at me, saying, "ah goo". She'd alternate this with gnawing on her hand, like she'd trade a major organ for a gallon of milk. Since I was low on milk in a bottle, I decided to try and nurse her. I thought the flow might be slower since I had pumped earlier - WRONG! She nursed for about 2 minutes and seemed full and fell asleep. I picked her up and she woke up again, all wide-eyed. I took her to the crib, swaddled her and she just wasn't having it. I picked her up, wrapped in her swaddling blankets and rocked her in my arms, at which time she proceeded to spew a ton of milk out of her mouth, and all over me and her swaddling blankets. Ugh! She was sputtering from all the milk she spit up, so I unwrapped her and patted her back. I had to change her clothes, which did not help her get to sleep. I, then, dipped into her night feeding milk, since was still acting like a starving baby. She finally dozed and I was able to get her in the crib, swaddled and asleep.

She only slept about 2 1/2 hours and was up again, crying, gnawing her hand and doing the starving baby routine. I fed her what was left of her milk and thankfully, she went back to sleep. Greg had woken up, too, and made me some toast because I was feeling a little weak.

As I was sitting in the chair, I noticed how lumpy my left breast felt and I wondered what could be clogging things up. This is why I wasn't getting much at my pumping sessions. Right after feeding Morgan, I went to pump and I started this blog. So much milk has come out of the right side, I've had to switch collection bottles. I guess the blockage has cleared!

While all of this was going on, I couldn't help entertaining the notion of switching to formula and being done with it all. I wouldn't have to worry about having enough milk (as long as I kept the pantry stocked) and maybe she'd feel more full and sleep longer, etc. I feel so guilty every time I think of it, though. It just gets to be so much sometimes, with the 'round the clock pumping and her getting up every 2 hours. I daydream about the sleep I might get if I didn't have to pump. With breastmilk being what's best for the baby, I don't understand why nature didn't make it easier! Why must it be so hard? I keep thinking that as she gets bigger, she'll be able to handle the overactive letdown of milk, but that hasn't happened yet. I worry that the day I do finally switch over to formula, I'm going to get really sad and feel super guilty. Ah, so much guilt we face as mothers...

Well, I'm about done pumping and appear to have made quite a bit, so that's good. I live to provide breastmilk another day...

Edited to add: I just processed the milk and it's a new record: 14.50 ounces, with 8.75 ounces coming from the right side alone!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Busy day...

Morgan and I actually had a busy day today. This morning I put her in her new Precious Planet Jumperoo and she had some bouncy time. Around 10-ish, I loaded her up in the car and we went downtown to where I used to work to meet up with my former boss and her husband, whom I also used to work with at the City. Morgan and I made the rounds and said hello to everyone we could find, then it was off to lunch. We ate at The Malthouse and I had to change her and that was not a very fun experience. They have crummy bathrooms and no changing table. Luckily, I have a folding mat for such an occasion, but I could see Morgan looking around the room thinking, "how can you lay me down near this filth?" She was all smiles in the office, but there at the restaurant, she had a little fussy moment. Who could blame her with all the yuckiness around her. After a fresh change, she was good to go. I got some food to-go to take to my grandmother. Morgan got to visit her Great Grandma. This was trip #2 and Morgan was pretty sleepy and slept most of the time we were there visiting. It was coming up on my next pumping time (ay, I'm tied to that pump!) so we made our way back home. She made it all the way without fussing, thank goodness. Sometimes in the last 5 minutes of a car trip, she'll get super fussy, but not this time. After we were home for a bit, I remembered that I needed to return some shoes to Burlington to get the correct size. I asked Greg if I could go when he got home, but he suggested going right away. I wondered if Morgan could handle another outing. I loaded her up again and off we went to Burlington. She was a super-cutie the whole time, smiling at me and looking around. I got the correct size shoes and several light material jammies for Morgan. We made our way back home from trip #3 and she didn't fuss this time either! :)

When we got home, I think she realized she hadn't fussed in a while and decided to make up for lost time. She finished the milk that was left in her bottle and was fussing for more. I had put my extra milk in the fridge, so it was cold. It was time for me to pump again, so I decided to just have her wait for the fresh milk. Well, she wasn't in the mood to wait. I decided to try and nurse her directly, in the interest of time, but she only made it 2 minutes before she was swimming in milk and I had to stop. I went back to the bedroom to pump and she was in the bassinet, looking at me and fuss-fuss-fussing. When I got 2 ounces, I paused and filled up her bottle. I continued to pump and got a total of 10 ounces, 6.25 of which came from the side on which I nursed her. I think it was a combination of her nursing and fussing that caused the spike in output. Anyway, she had all the milk she needed now and she fell asleep.

I rolled her into the kitchen (in the bassinet) so I could wash the rest of the bottles and attempt to throw together some sort of dinner. Greg was going to the store straight from work, so I was trying to get things done before he arrived. He comes in the door and he says he has two things for me: one - an early Valentines gift - a bouquet of roses and two - apple pie! Apple pie is my favorite kind of pie. What a sweetie (literally)! I often wonder how I got so lucky.

After dinner, we gave Morgan her bath, in an attempt to form a bedtime routine. I put her in her jammies and fed her a bottle. Close to 9 p.m. I tried to put her in the crib, but she wiggled and fussed and did not want to be swaddled. I took her back to the glider to give her the last of her milk. She drank it and as I was holding her, she just stared into space and made this odd, moaning sound over and over. It was like the end of her "ah goo" and she just kept "saying" it over and over and over. I asked her what was wrong, but she just stared into space. I asked Greg to come listen and she just looked up at him and made more odd, moaning noises. He picked her up and got a few burps out of her. I still don't know what was wrong with her. After a little while longer, I took her back to the crib. She still did not want to be swaddled, so I left her laying on the blanket. I came in here to pump and I haven't heard any crying, so I hope she fell asleep.

Well, off to process this milk...let's see how the night goes...it's raining and thundering like crazy!

Monday, February 9, 2009

Progress!

Well, I tried to keep her on a 3-hour E.A.S.Y. schedule yesterday. That's from The Baby Whisperer and it's Eat-Activity-Sleep-Your Time, which basically means she'd have 3 hours between feedings. Most times she made is about 2.5 hours, which is still really good. She slept for about 2 hours in the evening, though, and I thought we were going to have problems. At around 8 we gave her a bath and then I put her in her jammies and gave her the bedtime bottle. I got her in the crib at 9 p.m., still a little bit awake, but she fell asleep after I tried a few times to swaddle her. She then slept all the way until 2:20 a.m. Yay! I had to get up at 11:45 p.m. to pump, so I didn't get to sleep that long, but longer than normal. After getting up at 2:20, she was back asleep by 2:45 and then she didn't get up again until 5:55 a.m. She just CANNOT sleep until 6, ha, ha. Sometimes I wonder if I put her to bed at 5:50, would she still wake up at 5:55? Anyway, that means she slept 5 hr. 20 min. the first time and 3 hr. 10 min. the second time, which I think is great! I fed her at 5:55 and we both fell asleep in the glider, so I'm not sure how long we slept that time. I think it was about an hour. I don't feel as ridiculously tired today, so I'm hoping either the growth spurt is over, or the EASY routine helped. That's the tricky thing - figuring out what helps her sleep longer at night. Maybe it was the rain last night - who knows? I hope she keeps it up and I hope I can be good about keeping her on some sort of daytime schedule.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

What to do, what to do...

I just can't figure out this whole feeding/sleeping routine. Morgan used to sleep 4-5 hours, then eat for 15-20 minutes, then sleep for 2-3 hours. How she's up every 2 hours at night and I'm exhausted. I'm trying to get her back into some sort of daytime routine, but it's hard. She hardly cried when I'd feed her whenever the mood struck her, but now that I'm trying to get her to space out her feedings, she's crying more and I feel so bad. She's 12 weeks old today and I'd like to start some "sleep training" soon, but I don't know when or how to do it. There are so many methods and I have no idea which one will work. *Sigh*

Friday, February 6, 2009

Playgroup

Yesterday (it's 1:30 a.m., so Thursday was "yesterday") I hosted my second Caterpillar Playgroup. We had about 5 mommies and their kiddos. I have so much fun setting up the "Baby Playland," as I call it, in the living room. I'm astounded at the number of toys I have accumulated already and Morgan isn't even 3 months old! I just love seeing the other babies and how they are developing and I hope that Morgan is taking it all in and becoming more aware of the outside world. One of the babies that could crawl, Livian, moved over to Morgan, who was lying on the floor and gave her a little kiss on the head. It was too cute! I also enjoy talking to the other mommies a lot. The playgroup I belong to has a very diverse membership and it really is very interesting to hear what other mothers have gone through and what is going on with them lately. It has been very educational. :) I'm so glad to be making these new friends. The group has so many great ladies as members. I'm hoping that Morgan and I can make some lasting friendships. The group has quite a few mommies from military families, so I know some will be moving in the coming months. That makes me sad, but I am trying to enjoy their company while they are here and with my nomadic past, I'm certainly used to the coming and going of friends and acquaintances.